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At the
beginning of each year I amuse myself, and hopefully a few readers, by penning
my predictions for the following 12 months. Most are just plain goofy but I do
like to throw in one or two with some likelihood of happening.
Last January, for instance, I supposed that “163 politicians you never heard of”
would declare for president, surely a safe bet in a pre-election year. Instead
it seems that everyone you’ve ever heard of is running, or at least thinking
about it. Celebrity candidates are not new; note one Ronald Wilson Reagan. But
whether you love or loathe the 40th president he did run on a
demonstrable record, having first served two terms as governor of California.
Now name
recognition seems enough. Why is open to debate, but one logical place to start
is with former wrestler Jesse Ventura, the first-term governor of the state of
Minnesota. While not yet a presidential candidate, many wish he were, citing
what they see as unabashed honesty in stating his beliefs.
An admirable
quality, that, but I’m beginning to wonder if folks have forgotten why.
Observers across the political spectrum are in a high-decibel funk over negative
reaction to the governor’s frank comments in a Playboy magazine interview and
elsewhere, decrying a fickle public that wails for truthful opinions then turns
on a man who gives them.
Yet suppose a car salesman tells you the specimen you’re looking at has a blown
engine. Does the man’s truthfulness oblige you to buy the car, or even consider
it? Does the governor of Minnesota’s belief that followers of organized
religion are weak-minded people who are unsure of themselves and need security
in numbers somehow require one to respect it?
No, and if the
governor’s directness were anything more than a political ploy he’d stop his
whining. For that, and his stated desire to “be reincarnated as a size 38 DD
bra,” he will henceforth be known in this space as Jesse “The Booby” Ventura.
It doesn’t stop
with The Booby. Actor Warren Beatty, whose political resume consists of
volunteer campaign work and having portrayed a Ventura-esque loudmouth in “Bulworth,”
has had a grand ol’ time teasing the press with hints that he may run for the
Democrat nomination. Reportedly, he wishes to nudge Al Gore and Bill Bradley to
the left.
It is this
writer’s opinion that if those two move any further left they’ll risk falling
off the flat earth they live on. And though the media has gone gaga – The Los
Angeles Times reports that media turnout for a Beatty speech there dwarfed that
for any leading candidate – his polls are barely a blip.
Beatty at least
has a message of sorts. Fellow performer Cybill Shepherd has expressed interest
in the nomination of the Reform Party on a platform consisting solely of
“abortion rights.” Regardless of one’s stance on the issue, rumor has it that
the president of the United States has a few actual duties. A candidate for the
job might be well advised to give them some thought.
Though she has
denied interest, a committee has formed to draft talk show host Oprah Winfrey as
the Reform Party’s presidential candidate. “It is Jesse Ventura times 100,”
gushes the group’s chairman. “She’s got a thousand times as much money, 100
times the name recognition.”
If money’s the
key there is billionaire Donald Trump, The Booby’s candidate of choice. The
Donald is known largely for a series of romantic and financial scandals, which
possibly explains any appeal he might have. We’ve become accustomed to that in
a president, so Trump may just seem like an old friend.
Which brings us
to my pet theory for this anyone-can-do-it lunacy. While we once sought special
qualities in the leader of the free world, the incumbent has lowered the bar so
far that even the likes of Trump thinks he can slither over it. May the voters
prove him and his ilk wrong.
© 1997 – 2002 Brent Morrison
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