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Yea, though I ride through the gnarliest of waves, I
will not biff. The Bible Society of Australia has published the “Surfer’s
Bible,” a paraphrase of the Good Book in surf slang.
U.S. distribution is under consideration and translations are
underway into French, Spanish, Portuguese, and Japanese. I’ll take
the Gospels as is, but there’s something to be said for reaching
people where they are. So let there be, like, light or something,
dude.
*****
Did not surf, but recently vacationed in Santa Cruz,
California, where we discovered that old dogs can learn new tricks.
The dog in question is my daughter’s pug, which when left in the car
taught herself to turn on the hazard lights. And the windshield
wipers. And to set off the car alarm, which apparently violates a
local ordinance. (“OK, pal, I’m running you in on a section 203b:
Disturbing the peace with a pug in a Toyota.”) Temperatures barely
touched 70 all week so she was comfortable, just bored. It took a
while to persuade me she would not find life with the sea lions more
entertaining.
*****
Psst, buddy,
want to buy some stock? Mutuals.com, a small firm based in Dallas,
recently launched the “Vice
Fund,” the first mutual fund concentrated on “socially
irresponsible investments.” Holdings include companies in alcohol,
tobacco, gambling, and similar industries, apparently an answer to
the widely sold “conscience funds” that avoid such investments. “We
think people should donate time and money to social causes,”
claims a fund manager, “but we think their investing should be
to make money.” So-called “sin stocks” are relatively recession
resistant, which makes sense; sin itself seems to hold its own.
*****
In a rite of passage that will change life forever, my
daughter received her driver’s license this month. Before they left
the parking lot in what is still technically my car, the Department
of Motor Vehicles examiner had her demonstrate the use of several
controls … including the hazard lights. I doubt she’d have known
where they were if we hadn’t spent our vacation turning them off.
The examiner probably still can’t figure out what’s so funny about a
set of blinkers.
*****
President
Bush declared three days last week “National Days of Prayer and
Remembrance” to commemorate the September 11 attacks, but I hope it
doesn’t stop at that. There have been many “never forget” moments
in American history, though we usually do. It will be
understandable if future generations shift their focus to the issues
of their day; let’s help make sure those don’t include terror by not
letting the lessons fade now.
*****
Effectively
handing the inmates the keys to the asylum, Britain will soon
experiment with having nursery students as young as 3
rate their teachers’ performance. The Office for Standards in
Education, known as OFSTED, will require the input as part of its
evaluation of the nation’s schools. I don’t know if anyone at
OFSTED has actually met a 3-year-old, but judgment isn’t exactly
their long suit (the 3-year-olds, I mean). Expect radical reforms,
like more cookies, less milk at nap time.
*****
I wrote last month of rescuing three kittens abandoned
in a nearby orchard. We later found another near the same spot,
this one barely weaned. My main role in these affairs is to grab
anything likely to claw or bite, to be clawed and bitten, then to
see that the orphan departs before anyone gets too attached. Was a
close call this time; finally had to threaten that something or
someone was going, feline or otherwise. The dog being back in my
good graces and me in my wife’s, the kitten has a new home.
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