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I am done telling my son, 17, how to eat. There are
bigger fish to fry even if, having recently become a vegetarian,
he’d refuse to eat them.
I’d have paid little attention if he didn’t hate
vegetables. This is a kid who would have preferred to live on
double bacon cheeseburgers a few weeks ago, so the switch was a
surprise.
He was a little vague about his reasons. Health, I
asked? Was he concerned about the animals? Saving the rainforests
from greedy cattle ranchers? Or could it be the vegetarian
girlfriend?
“None of the above,” he swore, which eliminated pretty
much everything but a sharp blow to the head. Sensing the
conversation was going nowhere, I switched to what he planned to
eat.
“French fries and onion rings,” he replied, apparently
supplemented with Skittles and the occasional bag of Jack in the Box
tacos, which he swears contain no meat.
In case a Jack in the Box attorney happens to read this,
I don’t believe it for a minute. In case attorney Raphael Metzger
reads this, I’m sure my son will be off to another dietary phase
soon and suffer no lasting harm. I wish I could say the same for
common sense, which was already on its deathbed before Metzger
arrived.
Metzger, whose website touts his expertise in “toxic
tort litigation,” is spearheading a suit against McDonald’s and
Burger King in an attempt to force them to label their french fries
as carcinogens. French fries and other fatty foods carry proven
health risks if eaten in excess, but no one has yet made the legal
stretch to cancer.
Metzger’s case hinges on something science has known for
decades with no apparent alarm. Potatoes, like all carbohydrates
and sugars, form a chemical called acrylamide when cooked. In large
does, acrylamide can cause cancer in rats.
One day I would like to read of something that doesn’t
cause cancer in rats if only to encourage guys like Metzger to find
constructive work. In an interview with ABC news, environmental
toxicologist Takayuki Shibamoto of the University of California
noted that there are no proven health risks to humans from
acrylamide; The Food and Drug Administration is reportedly looking
into the possibility, with no smoking fry vat so far.
Metzger filed his suit under a California law that
requires warning labels on products containing carcinogens, though
the FDA could force labels nationally if it finds a connection to
cancer in humans. If the California courts take complete leave of
their senses – which would be a fairly short hike – and find in
Metzger’s favor, we can expect a rash of tobacco-style french fry
suits across the country.
Since anything with sugars or carbohydrates forms
acrylamide when cooked, why is Metzger obsessed with fries? Is
there no money in bread, doughnuts, crackers, macaroni, spaghetti,
cookies, rice, breakfast cereal, bagels, grits, or cous cous?
I’m not sure about cous cous, but there are large
corporations behind most of these death foods, many with deeper
pockets than McDonald’s or Burger King. So why fries?
A look at Metzger’s past targets might provide a clue.
His website lists Dow Chemical Company, Atlantic Richfield Company,
Aldrich Chemical Company, Mobil Oil Corporation, and Great Republic
Insurance as past defendants; without regard to the merits of those
cases, many of the objects of Metzger’s legal affection have been
industries we love to hate.
Fast food isn’t quite in tobacco or gun industry
territory but they’re getting there, taking the blame for everything
from obesity to heart disease. I suppose that’s the new American
way, yet if companies begin to fear lawsuits over products with
cooked carbohydrates we’ll all be on the Atkins diet whether we like
it or not.
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