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I
For at least a decade, network television executives
have begun each new season by dreaming up excuses for yet another
drop in total ratings. This year, USA Today reports, someone
finally got it right: “Some of the programs just sucked.”
That little pearl will probably not get NBC
Entertainment president Jeff Zucker a front row seat at the Emmys,
but it should. Then again no one watches the Emmys either, so it
doesn’t much matter.
With the November sweeps in high gear, Nielsen Media
Research finds ratings for new series down a stunning 12 percent
from last year’s new shows. In the top 10, “Friends,” lost 23
percent of its viewers, “ER” is down 24 percent, and most of the
rest are off as well. To make matters worse, about 20 percent of
male viewers between 18 and 24, who are greatly loved by
advertisers, have apparently found better ways to kill time.
Super-hyped hormone poppers like Fox’s “Skin” and NBC’s “Coupling,”
aimed directly at young men, went over like stale Cheetos at a frat
party.
Jeff Zucker aside, the explanations offered by network
executives are considerably more imaginative than the shows
themselves. Maybe too many young men have been sent to Iraq, some
suppose. Perhaps they’re playing video games, renting DVDs, or
watching cable. Advertisers have suggested that network decisions
to boot 20 returning shows out of their old time slots might have
something to do with it (which I would rank right behind “sucked”),
but TV bosses aren’t buying it.
Fortunately there are only about 130,000 American troops
currently in Iraq, nowhere near 20 percent of 18 to 24-year-old
men. Video game and DVD sales are up, but not enough to explain the
drop. The cable audience has remained steady so the missing men
aren’t there either.
It is useful to look at cable programming since it at
least isn’t chasing away its viewers. It used to be conventional
wisdom that cable’s main appeal was sleaze, of which there is still
plenty; I once wrote I’d no sooner put cable TV in my home than
install an in-pipe from the septic tank. But what are cable’s top
draws today?
As this is written, the top 10 cable shows for the most
recent week included three sports programs, three installments of a
Nickelodeon cartoon called “Fairly
Odd Parents,” pro wrestling, and three episodes of “SpongeBob
SquarePants.” Except for the wrestling this is relatively decent
family fare, if not exactly high culture.
The networks’ favorite excuse is that Nielsen must be
wrong. They are outraged, shocked, and have demanded an
explanation. There’s more than bragging rights at stake;
advertising rates are based on the size of the audience and if shows
don’t hack it the networks are on the hook for refunds or free
advertising to make up the difference.
Nielsen is under tremendous pressure to jimmy the
numbers, which I hope they resist. I suspect the advertisers’
attorneys will keep them honest, though if I were at Nielsen I’d be
sorely tempted to simply quote Jeff Zucker and send the TV honchos
on their way.
To elaborate on Zucker’s succinct analysis, most of the
shows are trash. In September, the Parents Television Council
released a study of profanity on broadcast television between 1998
and 2002, noting a 94.8 percent increase during what used to be
called the family hour, between 8 p.m and 9 p.m. Ratings fiascos
like “Skin,” “Coupling,” and “The Next Joe Millionaire” speak for
themselves, but even longtime hits like “ER” and “Friends” have
stepped up the sex or gore with disastrous results.
No one looks to Hollywood for moral leadership but you
would think they could read an income statement. If not, they
deserve a good drubbing – and if it comes at the squishy yellow
hands of SpongeBob SquarePants, so much the better.
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