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It just
isn’t that complicated. Uncomfortable maybe, but dealing with
schoolyard bullies is not rocket science.
Since
the plague of school shootings that began in the 1990s, everyone
from parents and school administrators to psychologists and law
enforcement officials have taken a swing at bullies, figuratively
speaking. It’s about time; the established approach to young
thuggery has been to inform the victims that learning to cope is
part of growing up. By this school of thought, learning not to be a
hood apparently isn’t.
In that
sense a trend reported by the
Christian Science Monitor
is encouraging. “Bibliotherapy” is the use of books, literature,
and music to build understanding and empathy in hope of teaching
bullies that their targets don’t enjoy being terrorized and
bystanders that it isn’t cool to stand by while someone is taunted
or clobbered.
One book
cited is “The Recess Queen” by Alexis O’Neill. The villain of the
story is Mean Jean, a schoolyard Saddam who rules the playground
with an iron fist. Regime change is finally brought about when new
kid Katie Sue tames the brute with an invitation to play jump rope.
No,
Katie Sue doesn’t ambush Mean Jean and throttle her with the rope.
It turns out Mean Jean just needed a little understanding.
Susan
Limber of the Institute on Family and Neighborhood Life at Clemson
University might take issue with that, though I’m sure she wouldn’t
support throttling. Limber points to studies refuting the common
notion that bullies suffer from low self-esteem, a belief that forms
the basis of many schools’ approach to the problem. If anything, it
is victims who hold lower self-images and accordingly should not be
left to work out problems with their tormentors.
“Bullying is not a conflict. It is a victimization, and we need to
help educators recognize the difference,” Limber told the Christian
Science Monitor. She suggests that what bullies really need are
positive role models.
Darned
straight, preferably ones with guts. Bullies already know it’s not
fun to be tormented, which is why they do it. If they feel no
empathy from observing the real-life misery they inflict I doubt a
book would bring home the point unless applied forcefully to the
nose by a fed-up victim. Onlookers keep quiet to avoid becoming the
main attraction; any entertainment value they derive is just a
bonus.
I don’t
advocate schoolyard justice, though unfortunately it’s the only kind
some kids feel they can get when the role models to whom Limber
refers shirk their duty. Parents, teachers, school administrators,
Scout leaders, coaches, and other adults in positions of authority
need to demonstrate that certain actions will not be tolerated.
This is best accomplished by not tolerating them. That takes a
modicum of guts, for which leaving kids to “work it out” is no
substitute.
Instead,
the bully’s victim may be as likely to get a scolding as the
perpetrator, often something on the order of “Don’t let it bother
you,” “Toughen up,” or the ultimate in idiocy, “It takes two to
tango.” It only takes one to make someone miserable, and most
victims would be delighted to stop the dance if they could get a
little meaningful support.
The
earliest form of morality a child develops comes from the desire to
avoid negative consequences. It’s why one disciplines children in
the first place; if kids naturally avoided bad behavior simply
because it was wrong, punishment wouldn’t be necessary. Without it,
real morality can’t develop.
I have
no problem with books, music, or anything else that helps model
respectful behavior. But when the rubber meets the road, the best
models are adults who are willing to back up the rules with
something more than stories and songs.
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