|
My column on Pug
Sunday, a gathering of fans of the gnomish little dogs, brought a record number
of hits to Brentmorrison.com, apparently to see the photos. The previous top
draw was a piece on a gopher extermination method using propane, oxygen, and a
strategically placed spark. After months of offering columns, commentary,
offbeat news, and related links, I now know what brings in the traffic:
Exploding gophers and pugs in bat suits. An odd niche, but at least I have it
to myself.
*****
Awaiting a
movie at the local Cinemark-owned theater, I noticed that a video trailer of
“America The Beautiful” omitted the phrase “God shed His grace on thee.”
Suspecting political correctness gone wild, I contacted Cinemark. My inquiry
was answered by a corporate vice president, who explained the clip had been
provided by a nonprofit organization and that the theater chain hadn’t initially
noticed the deletion. A restored version should be in their locations this
month. Kudos, Cinemark; may God shed His grace on thee.
*****
Parents at a public
school in tech-savvy Palo Alto, California, recently received a letter from the
principal asking them to buy $2,000 laptop computers for their sixth-grade
children to use in a new technology program. The laptops are optional; the
class is not. Setting aside the fact that not everyone can plunk down two
large, who in their right mind would entrust a $2,000 piece of equipment to an
eleven-year-old? When our kids were that age we spent almost that much
replacing lunchboxes.
*****
I for one will be
grateful when it doesn’t make news every time a bomb misses a target. They’re
more accurate than ever thanks to computer targeting, but most of us now own or
work with computers. Do they work every time for you? It is wonderful to be
able to keep collateral damage to a minimum, but war will always be a messy
business. Let’s just keep as much of the mess elsewhere as possible.
*****
This came in an email regarding
the aforementioned piece on Pug Sunday: “Have you ever put heavy-duty foil on
your cat’s paws? It’s the funniest thing to behold, try it. You will die
laughing. It doesn’t hurt the animals, it just confuses them. Come on, you
must try it!!” Well, I did foil the cats from eating our parakeets once, but
did not use actual foil. Not sure the wife would bless that one, though
anything can happen in the name of entertainment when you don’t have cable.
*****
I recently observed
in this space that while my wife and I “both have an eye for the absurd
she is more inclined to embrace it.” My mother-in-law seconded “Well, she
married you.” I’m working on a comeback here, but it’s only been a couple of
weeks. It’ll come.
*****
I believe I detect a
trend. Accomplished scientist Stephen Hawking told a British newspaper last
month “I don’t think the human race will survive the next thousand years
unless we spread into space.” His worry: Bio-engineered diseases. A week
before the September 11 attacks, Hawking told an interviewer “We must develop as
quickly as possible technologies that make possible a direct connection between
brain and computer, so that artificial brains contribute to human intelligence
rather than opposing it.” A few weeks earlier he claimed we must juice up our
DNA through genetic engineering to keep computers from taking over the world.
Sir, our intellect isn’t the problem; the trouble is in the heart. We can’t run
from that no matter how far we flee into space, so we might as well deal with it
right here. A little prayer and repentance will do the trick. No batteries
required.
© 1997- 2002 Brent Morrison
|
