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I would like to thank veterans of the United
States armed services for this day of celebration, and for every day of
liberty. Americans have been free so long we sometimes take our way of life for
granted, even with contempt. But freedom isn’t free, as the saying goes. It
isn’t perfect either, though better than anything else I can think of. My
gratitude to all those willing to pay the price.
*****
Your tax dollars at work, sort of. My
brother-in-law recently received this communication from the Internal Revenue
Service: “The refund check mailed to you at the above address has been returned
by the postal service as undeliverable. To have the check reissued to you …
please fill in the information requested below and sign and return the bottom
portion of this notice within the next few days.” And how did they notify him
his mail couldn’t be delivered? By mail. To the same address. If only they
tried that hard when you owe them money.
*****
While we Californians like to ponder how many
states we should split into, the good people of North Dakota are considering
dropping “North” and renaming their state simply “Dakota,” a move intended to
fight the state’s image as a “frigid, treeless, prairie.” Folks, I’ve been to
North Dakota. The best way to change that image would be to heat the place,
plant some trees, and bulldoze up a few hills. Besides, if they really want to
boost tourism they’ll change the name to “East Tahiti.”
*****
Our pug’s favorite chew toy is our Siamese
cat. Not sure why, maybe because she’s the smallest of our three felines, or
the shyest, or the easiest to catch. Anyway, have had to replace several
collars that were chewed halfway off her neck. Was considering a nice chain at
a local pet store until my daughter pointed out that it was a choke collar.
Finally settled on a leather job with metal spikes, the kind of thing you’d see
on a bulldog. It looks silly, but it’s the least we can do after having her
declawed. Which, come to think of it, might have something to do with her
status as a chew toy.
*****
Who wouldn’t like to be so good at what they do
that they’d get the kind of headline I saw after golf’s U.S. Open: “No
Championship For Woods.” OK, it might be catchier than “Retief Goosen Wins!”,
but even Tiger can’t win them all.
*****
My wife’s extremely successful exercise program
consists entirely of walking the dog. A little low-tech perhaps, but hard to
ignore; while a Stairmaster waits patiently for you to get motivated, the
“Pugmaster” grabs you by the cuff and pulls you to the door. Even comes with an
automatic cutoff switch – when she’s had enough she simply lays over, bouncing
along until you notice you’re dragging something. Dragging a 12-pound dog is
probably just as aerobic as carrying her, so might stop being so quick to pick
her up
*****
Someone please explain to me why anyone would
buy the Internet domain name andreayates.com. Less than a week after Andrea
Yates is alleged to have drowned her five children in Houston, eBay pulled an
auction for a namesake website with bidding reportedly at $750,000. Maybe
adolphhitler.com, idiamin.com, and jacktheripper.com are taken, but there must
be a better way to spend 750 large ...
*****
… but I wouldn’t ask Gov. Davis. After months
of tough talk about price-gouging energy pirates, the Guv apparently believes he
can end the power crisis by locking in electricity contracts at above-market
rates for up to 20 years. Now let that be a lesson to them, which I’m sure it
is.
© 1997- 2002 Brent Morrison
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