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Much ado about nothing: Former vice president Al Gore began his
teaching career at Columbia University’s
Graduate School of Journalism amid controversy when school officials ordered
students to keep his comments “off the record.” Students were directed not to
tape record classes, discuss the lectures outside the classroom, write news
stories, and so on. In short, they were told to forget everything they heard in
the class, which is what most of us do anyway. Give the guy a break.
*****
Recently retired my trusty van after over 200,000 miles of
dependable service. We tend to get our money’s worth out of our vehicles, but
this was a personal best. I ordered our new car with factory installed mats to
protect the carpet, only to find them as plush as the carpet they are supposed
to protect. I have now bought floor mats to protect my floor mats, which made
sense at the time but looks a little obsessive when put in print. Oh well. I
imagine the novelty will wear off in a hundred thousand miles or so.
*****
Our little household is expanding, having added my 19-year-old niece
as she begins college locally. It has been a joy, but between her and my
15-year-old daughter, the odds of any given phone call being for me hover
somewhere around squat. It could get pretty lonely if I didn’t get to talk to
the occasional phone solicitor. Most of them have been pretty understanding and
don’t seem to mind me interrupting their work day to chat – as long as I don’t
disrupt their dinner hour, of course.
*****
Heard on the news that a major grocery chain will soon be giving the
new Sacajawea dollar coins in change, hoping to help increase their
circulation. I have yet to see one, which I recently mentioned to my wife. Her
response: “Well, this is the north state.” That would explain the cowrie
shells I keep getting in my change.
*****
What were they thinking? If memory serves, the network’s first
edition of “Survivor” last year included two attorneys, one of whom is now suing
over the show’s outcome (I can hear readers all over the county shouting
“Duh!”). Stacey Stillman, the third millionaire wannabe voted off the island,
claims CBS officials persuaded other castaways to knock her off in order to
protect ex-Navy SEAL Rudy Boesch. This was supposedly to
cater to a “critical demographic in the viewing
audience, particularly in the latter days of the show.” Hey, Stace:
At 72, Boesch is in a
demographic group for which no network gives a rat, barbecued or otherwise.
Could be just me, but it seems the tube offers a lot more shows about lawyers
than seniors. Or maybe I’ve just missed Ally McBeal’s support hose. And “L.A.
Geezer.”
*****
Now that the legislative
reapportionment battles have begun, I should note that despite my best efforts
the great census of 2000 entirely missed the Morrison family. No form letter,
no calls, no visits, nothing. My column last March practically dared them to
count us, even offering suggestions to go with their standard inquiries into the
bathing habits and stair climbing abilities of Americans. Example: “Did this
person pick their nose LAST WEEK? How did this person dispose of the contents:
In a cloth handkerchief; In a disposable tissue; By flicking to the floor; Other
(you know what we mean).” I guess even a representative democracy has its
standards.
*****
Have you seen Martin
Sheen lately? Or Rosie O'Donnell? How about Matt Damon, Whoopi Goldberg, Ed
Asner, Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, Eddie Vedder, Kim Basinger, Alec Baldwin,
and Robert Altman? All are reported to have pledged to leave the United States
if George W. Bush became president; I haven’t bumped into any of them lately so
maybe they did. Insert your own snide remark here, though most of the good ones
have been taken so I won’t try.
© 1997- 2002 Brent Morrison
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