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Girl-Child has
fallen in love with a pug puppy. The little rascal has a nice bed, its own
house, and a right clever name. In fact we have everything except the actual
dog itself. The search is on; my daughter is not interested in a show animal,
just a nice, healthy, “cute” pet. Also has no interest in the origins of the
term “pug-ugly.”
*****
We were enjoying a leisurely Sunday breakfast in downtown Chico when I spotted a
bright red Dodge Challenger parked on the street. Late 60s or early 70s
vintage, Confederate battle flag on the roof ... could it be the “General Lee”
of “Dukes of Hazzard” fame? Well, yes and no. It had “General Lee” stenciled
right on it, but I believe the car in the series was a Charger. Joked with my
wife about whether the driver would climb in through the window, to the
befuddled stare of my daughter. Minutes later a man did indeed slide through
the window, fire it up, and burn rubber down the road. Why is it that you can
never find Boss Hawg or Sheriff Rosco when you need them?
*****
It’s not in the
same league as the Carl’s Jr. commercials, but if I hear many more of those new
Volvo radio spots I’ll never buy Swedish again. Ersatz beatnik poetry over
random jazz notes, the ads are supposedly aimed at a younger audience. NOTE TO
VOLVO: You might see if you can mix those ads in with the Muzak at the Social
Security office. The youngest surviving beatniks ought to be lining up in
droves about now.
*****
DISCLAIMER:
THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH MAY INCLUDE HUMOR, SATIRE, IRONY OR ATTEMPTS THEREON.
ACTUAL AMUSEMENT ON THE PART OF THE READER IS NEITHER WARRANTEED NOR IMPLIED.
My recent column on a Supreme Court ruling against school prayer brought my
first ever scolding from the American Civil Liberties Union. The piece referred
to the “Bizarro Planet chapter” of the ACLU, which was explained as a reference
to the world in Superman comic books where everything meant the opposite of what
it said. “I wanted to clarify that we don’t have a Bizarro chapter of the
ACLU,” emailed the Northern California Field Director for the American Silly
Liberals Union. If she says so.
*****
Elect Scott
Gruendl – please. I have an interesting relationship with Chico City Council
candidate Scott Gruendl, the Energizer Bunny of local politics. It began with
my lampoon of his proposal to save the environment with an Internet tax, a
cornerstone of his failed state Senate bid last year. (Gruendl also has an
unsuccessful run for the Assembly and two earlier shots at the council under his
belt.) He responded by asking me to do a few minutes of stand-up political
comedy at a fundraiser, which I did on the condition my name not be used to
promote the event. Fact is I disagree with Mr. Gruendl on pretty much
everything, but I do appreciate a guy who can take a joke. NOTE TO ACLU ... Oh,
never mind.
*****
Writing this
column is getting hairier and hairier. Seems the hot weather has a depilatory
effect on our Siamese cat, made all the worse by the fact that my desk is her
favorite place to sleep. She’s been spotted actually sleeping ON the keyboard.
Have been completely unable to dissuade her, at least using methods sanctioned
by my wife and/or the Geneva Convention. I guess I can always hope that velour
keyboards catch on.
*****
Well, of all
the nerve. General Mills has issued an apology for including CD-ROM versions of
the Bible in about 12 million boxes of breakfast cereal, part of a promotion
offering computer games and other CD goodies. The company denies knowing Bibles
were on the disks; the founder of the firm that helped create them calls that “a
flat-out lie.” Whatever. If they really feel the need to apologize for
something they ought to take a hard look at what Cocoa Puffs do to a bowl of
milk.
© 1997 – 2002 Brent Morrison
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