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Congratulations
to Kelly and Tom Kaminsky of Durham, who ushered Alexandra Grace Kaminsky into
the world Christmas Day. Tom is my chiropractor; I mention him occasionally to
see if I can get him fined by the local Exchange Club, which welcomes any excuse
to shake down its members. Anyway, should note that new mother Kelly is also a
Doctor of Chiropractic. My advice to young Alexandra: When Mom and Dad tell
you to “straighten up,” they mean business.
*****
Researchers at Cornell University have found that most folks who are incompetent
don’t realize it, partly because the “self-monitoring skills”
required for competence are also needed to
recognize the trait. In fact inept people tend to think pretty highly of
themselves; not so for those who are truly capable. As the world’s greatest
newspaper columnist, though, I should have nothing to worry about.
*****
My wife and I
prepared for the late, great Y2K scare in vastly different ways. While I filled
water jugs and stocked a few canned goods and batteries, the better half spent
the hours before the end of the world vacuuming the carpet and doing laundry
while the power was still on. Would strike me as a good excuse to avoid same.
Then again, she’s not the one up to her ears in canned tamales ...
*****
... but we all have our ways
of handling things. I have blown off stress lately by buying Mag-Lite brand
flashlights. Have wanted one for years: sleek, solid, good heft, brilliant
beam, a real “guy” kind of light. Used a camping trip last summer as an excuse
to get my first and Y2K for another, but have now bought a total of five in the
last eight months, not counting the one I got for my birthday. I may be
clueless about some of life’s mysteries (including this odd little obsession),
but at least I should never be in the dark. Literally, anyway.
*****
A national
study published by Ohio State University says that for teenagers who receive a
regular allowance, the median amount is $50 a week, with some getting over
$200. Sweet screaming monkeys! Am I that out of touch? Lest my kids stumble
across this on their way to the comics, half the teens surveyed receive no cash
from their parents, presumably having to work for it. I hope the University
does a follow-up a few years hence; my bet is that the greater the allowance a
kid gets, the more likely he or she will end up working for those who are
earning theirs the old-fashioned way.
*****
A recent declawing having halved her arsenal, our Siamese cat spent
much of Thanksgiving Day biting our guests. My wife calls these “love bites”
and no blood was drawn, though it didn’t exactly win the hearts of the extended
family. No further fangings reported on Christmas, but
I trust that cat about as far as I can throw
her. Which I’m guessing would be over the south fence if the wind were at my
back. Cat must know it, too. Keeps her honest, at least when I’m looking.
*****
It has been
reported that singer/actress/model Jennifer Lopez has taken a $1 billion
insurance policy on her, uh, “buttocks,” as the story goes. She popped up in
the news again when she was detained after a nightclub shooting allegedly
involving her boyfriend, rapper Sean “Puffy” Combs. If she really wants to
watch her buttocks, perhaps she should be a bit more careful in her choice of
friends.
*****
My wife was in a local grocery store late one evening picking up 15
heads of romaine lettuce toward our obligation for a fundraising dinner at my
daughter’s school. On impulse she grabbed a pack of peanut butter cups for
herself. Surveying the lone candy bar perched atop a mountain of greenery, the
clerk couldn’t resist asking what it was all for. “New diet,” my wife
deadpanned. Sounds good, though if it were me I think I’d reverse the romaine
to Reese’s ratio.
© 1997 – 2002 Brent Morrison
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