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Who’s the baddest bald bone-breaker in all of Butte County? That
would be one Tom Kaminsky, Doctor of Chiropractic. True to his word the good
doctor chromed his dome to reward the Durham High Trojans junior varsity
football team, which he helps coach, for its second straight undefeated season.
Rumor from a reliable spouse, er, source, has it that the new do has morphed him
from the big cuddly bear we in Durham have come to love into something Jesse
Ventura’s daughter wouldn’t be allowed to date. Being a regular patient, am
counting heavily on Tom’s good humor here. Wouldn’t want him to take my
neck-wringing jokes too literally.
*****
Sign on
store in Knight’s Landing: “Burgers, Mexican Food, Live Bait.” Yum. Pretty
much all the necessities of life, I think. Add Beanie Babies and you’d never
have to shop anyplace else.
*****
The San Francisco Board of Supervisors has been presented a proposal
to legally change the term “pet owners” to “animal guardians.” Why? It seems
the word “owner” implies that one owns the animal, which, of course, one does.
I’ve never quite convinced the cats I’ve had of that, but don’t think they’ve
considered me their guardian either. Happy to see that the people of San
Francisco don’t have any real problems.
*****
Must add that I get along with our cat much better now that it’s
declawed. It did, however, celebrate its last day of unfettered destructiveness
by clawing a hole clear through our carpet. The little miscreant would have
needed its own guardian if my wife hadn’t been within earshot; there is indeed
more than one way to skin a cat, but it turns out that none of them are quiet.
Might be the first time in veterinary history that declawing was a lifesaving
procedure.
*****
Cannot resist comment on political consultant Naomi Wolf’s advice to
Vice President Al Gore that he is too much of a “beta male.” Much has been made
of the fact that the advice came from a woman; I’m more amused that it comes
from a “Wolf.” Either way, if Gore’s a beta what does that make Bill Bradley?
VHS? Wouldn’t mind a candidate who comes with “pause” and “rewind” buttons, but
the closest I’ve seen so far is “remote control.”
*****
Democrats have other problems. We must face up to the notion of a
president who has been weaselly about his drug use, is accused of using outside
influence to affect his military service, and manages to skate through scandals
pretty much on charisma alone. Previously governor of a southern state, he is
at least a charming fellow touted for his special appeal to women and
minorities. But enough about George W. There’s more in the news ...
*****
... like the startling find of a near-intact wooly mammoth in the
frozen tundra of Siberia. Seems the critter’s about as fresh as if he’d been
packed by Birdseye. Accordingly there’s much interest in seeing it can be
cloned or if its cells can be used to impregnate a modern day elephant to create
a mammoth-elephant hybrid. Probably get something like the Reform party, but
with a hairier front man. Anyway, much less reported was the fact that the
beast had a “Buchanan” sticker across its rump. Bodes ill for a long campaign
season.
*****
Can someone please explain why it has become nigh impossible to buy
a watch battery? I have been rejected at about a half dozen of the north
state’s finest establishments; the employees don’t know why, they just can’t
sell a battery if they don’t sell that same watch. Is this some giant
conspiracy to peddle a new timepiece every time a battery dies? Is my watch not
Y2K compliant? Are there packs of feral watch lawyers roaming the malls,
prowling for cases of reverse polarity? Has an evil sundial lobby bought
someone off? If you know, call me whenever you want. I don’t know what time it
is anyway.
© 1997 – 2002 Brent Morrison
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