|
Just got our vacation pictures back and they’re
more than a little depressing, at least for me. Facing the sun for a snapshot
seems to make what hair I have left on top invisible to the lens, making me look
a lot balder than I am, or think I am. Thus giving me what I call a “Kojak
moment.” A picture may be worth a thousand words, but I don’t think I’m going
to repeat any of them here.
*****
I once speculated in this space as
to the fate of the world-famous, uh, accessories, actress Pamela Anderson had
surgically removed last spring. My guess then: keep an eye out on eBay.com. No
word on that, but eBay officials recently pulled the plug on bidding for a human
kidney and three babies, all believed to be hoaxes. Earlier this year they put
the kibosh on auctions for a missile, a rocket launcher, and a bazooka. Ebay
policies also restrict auctions of surveillance equipment, used medical devices,
tombstones, freon, stuffed geese, and human remains. Don’t EVEN try to buy a
bear – specifically forbidden. Spoilsports.
*****
Observing my son and I thrashing about the house
in another round of what seems to have become an endless wrestling match,
Girl-Child shook her head and muttered “You guys are dumb.” “No,” I retorted,
“we’re boys. There’s a difference.” I should know better than to set myself up
like that, so suppose I deserved the inevitable follow-up: “What?” I’m
thinking, I’m thinking ...
*****
Boy-Child has always been on the
rough-and-tumble side, but he’s getting bigger and I’m only getting older. At
12, he weighs just a few pounds less than I did when I graduated from high
school. Of course I was an Ichabod Crane-ish 6 foot 1 inch and 143 pounds and
he’s more of a NFL prospect. And though I can still handle him in one-on-one
basketball and general horseplay, I’m coming to the conclusion that it’s no
longer worth it pain-wise. My daughter may be right, but the day a son can best
his father on the court or field is a rite of passage for both. I suppose
there’s nothing to do but wait for it like the dumb boy I am.
*****
When told of Vice President Al Gore’s recent
statement that local school boards should be able to allow the teaching of
creationism as well as evolution, the executive director of the National Center
for Science Education responded: “My God, that’s appalling!” Interesting choice
of words. “Darwin save us all” doesn’t carry the same authority, I guess.
*****
Heard a radio interview of Alfred
Hitchcock’s daughter on the occasion of the film maker’s 101st
birthday. Most interesting to me was the fact that the famed director’s
favorite film was “Smokey And The Bandit.” Talk about horror! Next we’ll learn
that Stephen King’s favorite book is “Pat the Bunny.” Some secrets are best
taken to the grave.
*****
My wife took our Chihuahua mix to
the vet to check into some back pain a few weeks ago. Prescription: steroids.
I lost the big dog vs. small dog argument years ago, so hoped that maybe by the
miracle of modern veterinary medicine the little squirt might morph into a
Rottweiler, or at least a nice Shepherd. No luck so far. Do detect a more
vigorous yap, but that’s about it.
*****
Two recently published studies
question the so-called “Mozart Effect,” the theory that listening to the
composer’s music can raise one’s IQ. Kind of sorry to see this one go; I
thought the flip side might explain a lot about my generation. Growing up on
Iron Butterfly and The Monkees had to do something. But one study showed no
difference between subjects who listened to Mozart and those who heard a passage
from a Stephen King horror story. Maybe I was too hard on “Pat The Bunny.” Can
probably take those old “Archies” LPs out of the vault, too. |
