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Benton County, Oregon, is handling the same sex marriage
controversy by refusing to grant licenses for any marriage,
traditional or otherwise. The action is intended to make a
statement, and it does: Benton County needs a new board of
supervisors. Probably not what they had in mind, though.
*****
The government of the People’s Republic of China now
admits the Great Wall can’t really be seen from space, a fact
verified by that nation’s first and only astronaut. That’s a darned
shame since it’s about the only thing I remember from my junior high
science classes. Goes to show you can’t trust commies, something
else I learned in junior high. That leaves the stack of junk mail
on our kitchen counter as the only manmade object visible from
orbit. Just ask my wife.
*****
On a recent trip to Washington D.C. I hopped into a cab
operated by a fellow dressed in Caribbean style, with an accent to
match. Spotting the man’s headphones, a colleague with whom I was
traveling asked the driver what he was listening to. “Kenny
Rogers,” it turned out, but he was happy to fire up a Bob Marley CD
on the stereo at my friend’s request. He kept his headphones on,
though. I guess you can’t judge a book by its dreadlocks.
*****
At the end of the day, people at this moment in time
are, like, with all due respect, a little too prone to overuse
figures of speech. And with that exercise in tortured prose I have
used the four most irritating clichés in the English language as
determined by a group called the Plain English Campaign. Other gems
on the list include 24/7; awesome; ballpark figure; thinking outside
the box; I hear what you’re saying, and; it’s not rocket science.
According to Associated Press, the group was formed to fight
“clichés, jargon, and obfuscation, particularly in official and
public documents.” I say go for it, but this being an election year
the list will only grow longer.
*****
Doh! A poll conducted by the British charity Mother’s
Union has selected Marge Simpson its mother of the year, with a
whopping 23 percent of the vote. Yes, that Marge Simpson, the
blue-haired cartoon wife of Homer Simpson. Rounding out the top
five were four real women: television personality Lorraine Kelly;
Cherie Blair, the prime minister’s wife; singer and soccer mom
Victoria Beckham, and; rocker Ozzy Osbourne’s wife Sharon. Osbourne
may seem an odd choice given she has raised one of the most
dysfunctional families on or off television, but at least she’s
real. British too, for that matter.
*****
OK, put down the crescent rolls and no one gets hurt. A
San Antonio, Texas woman was shot in the hip when a revolver her
boyfriend hid in her oven began baking off shells after the oven was
turned on. The woman, Roxanne Perez, apparently had no idea the
thing was there. Police briefly detained Poppin’ Fresh for
questioning but later released him on his own recognizance.
*****
My daughter has picked up a new puppy over my loud
objections. I have to admit she’s been fussy with his training,
carefully cutting off the water by 8:00 p.m. to keep down the
bladder accidents. The little rascal knows there’s a bowl outside,
though, and loaded up one evening after I absentmindedly let him
out. “He, he tricked me!” I stammered after my daughter caught us
in the act. “He’s a cocker spaniel!” she shot back, which is true,
but I don’t think you’re technically senile until you can be
outwitted by a Chihuahua. At least I hope not.
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